I may be a crap writer but Budda thinks I’m wise – “so I’ve got that going for me, which is nice”

In my endless search for literary enlightenment I came across this, which I thought I’d share.

“The wise ones fashioned speech with their thought, sifting it as grain is sifted through a sieve.” – Buddha

I think fashioning and sifting speech pretty much describes what we do as writers (unless you’re stream of consciousness, Beat poet, then you’re out of luck).

There is also a little known addendum, passed down from the gurus who live in the remote Nepalese mountains.
“The truly wise ones buy drinks for agents at conferences and trade heavily on family connections in the publishing business.”

And one thought to leave you with.
If you’re a practitioner of the speechless art of mime, I think it’s pretty clear – Budda thinks you’re a moron.

Writing Podcast Review – Will Write for Wine

Will Write for Wine was a podcast for beginning writers which unfortunately closed up shop recently.  The archives are still available.

The first ten minutes of each hour long podcast is focused on wine – this consists mainly of reading tasting notes downloaded from the web.  If you’re seriously into wine there are better podcasts out there – check out the list at Winecast.

The show was delivered by two published romance writers, Lani Diane Rich and Samantha Graves, who obviously enjoyed doing it (perhaps a little to much).  The show also supported an active writers forum.

The quality of the content varies from show to show, but in between the (slightly excessive) light banter are some nuggets of very solid advice.

If you have the time for a light, longish podcast, and don’t mind listening to other peple enjoy themselves, then this the podcast for you.  While the actual writing advice is excellent, this is probably not the first poadcast to listen to if you are a beginning writer on the hunt for information.

A note of warning – do not listen to this podcast with ‘in ear’ ear pieces, Rich has a shrieking laugh, and she laughs often.

On the Millionwords scale I’d give it a 600,000

Writing Podcast Review – Writing Excuses

Writing Excuses is a relatively new podcast but a definite must for the begining writer.

“Fifteen minutes long ’cause you’re in a hurry, and we’re not that smart.”

Which isn’t entirely true.

It’s run by three published authors Howard Taylor (Cartoonist),  Dan Wells (Horror) and Brandon Sanderson (Fantasy) .  Brandon is the guy who was selected to write the final book in Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, so he’s no bunny.

The show started in Jan 08 and is offered up weekly – no signs of fading as yet.

The format is fast paced and to the point.  Brandon poses a question and each writer answers in turn.  The focus is on the practical aspects of writing, no interviews, no self indulgence.

If you’re unpublished and want to be a better writer, you need to listen to this podcast.

On the Millionwords scale I’d give this 900,000.

Remember the 6 Ps

I will get around to posting something of substance soon.  I’ve been a bit preoccupied by the business of life.  Rest assured by MS is still a pile of crap – everytime I pick it up I find a new major flaw.

As I flick through it I’m reminded of what my Father in law (ex police Search and Rescue) always tells me before I go on a hike “Remember the 6 Ps – Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance”.

The next novel will have a plan.

With that in mind, I’ve downloaded some (free) software designed by Simon Haynes – clever clogs programmer and author of the humorous Hla Space Jock series. 

As well as giving away some very useful software, Simon is also giving away a free electronic version of the first Hal Space Jock novel.

You can get all the goodies from here http://www.spacejock.com.au/

Leave a nice comment and order his other books – what goes around should come around.

A word about Blurbs

Justine Larbalestier, a sterling, award winning, Australian YA fantasy author (another author I haven’t read but who’s blog I follow) posted a guide to blurb etiquette on her blog. http://justinelarbalestier.com/blog/?p=1020 

It got me wondering – what if book blurbs followed the same rules of accuracy as say, a Murdoch tabloid.  

“This book is a farce comparable to the Hitler diaries, the unashamed plagiarism of Lord of the Rings by Mr Millionwords will have Tolkien lovers banging at his publishers door. That this book was even published is at best a scandal.”

 “Another example of a  sharletan writer that publishers need to watch out for.”

“Compared to this the telephone book is an excellent read.” 

“As I read this I imagined my fingers gripping the author’s throat !.” 

“The best I can say, is it’s not quite worst book I have ever read.”

 “In all good conscious I could not recommend this book to anyone.  If it was a dog you would beg the vet to put it down.”  

“I would rather have my eyes poked out by burning sticks, my legs peeled with a cheese grater and my head stuck in a bull-ant nest than read another word of this steaming great heap of puss infected dung.”     

JK is back in my good books (which is good because I know she was worried about it)

“A book of fairy tales created, handwritten and illustrated by J.K. Rowling sold for nearly $4 million at auction Thursday.” The money is going to a charity she set up. 

“The Children’s Voice campaigns for children’s rights across Europe, especially in Eastern Europe, where many children and teenagers grow up in institutions, often in what many activists regard as unacceptable conditions.”

What if the author’s a ratbag?

Has a writer’s beliefs / lifestyle / opinion, influenced your decision to purchase a book (positive stories are allowed)?  What line would they have to cross before you walked away from them? 

Why I ask is due to a couple of podcasts I’ve listened to lately. Recently, on Adventures in Sci-Fi Publishing, the author Terry Goodkind was interviewed.  I like a ripping yarn, and the few books I’ve read of Terry’s definitely fall into that category.  In the second half of the interview he was asked why he thought fiction was in decline, which devolved into an exposition by Goodkind on Objectivism. 

Objectivism is (according to my very biased view) a philosophy where greed is not only good but heroic.  Obviously, there is more to it than this and it has many adherents in the U.S. – particularly in the libertarian, hill billy militias (Damn!  Sorry my bias momentarily got the better of me again).  If you want a more informed view you can look it up in wikipedia. 

Right or wrong it’s a philosophy that I (obviously) have real problems with, and it definitely colours the way I think of Goodkind as a person.  I like his books but knowing a bit more about the author will probably lessen my enjoyment of them. 

By way of comparison have a listen to the interview he did on the Dragon Page, Cover to cover where the issue wasn’t mentioned.

Another podcast was an interview with Howard Jacobson on the Bat Segundo Podcast.  He is a forthright author with some strong views on Jewishness and Zionism.  An interesting interview but I don’t think I’d like to have around for dinner.

 So my fellow readers what would make you walk away?
Are the author and the story totally separate beasts?
Do we applaud their willingness to openly stand by their beliefs, or would we prefer not to hear it if it interferes with us enjoying the story? 

To any published writers – without giving anything away, are there areas you steer clear of in interviews, or have been advised to steer clear of? 

To any involved in publishing what advice would you give a prospective author? Are their no go zones?

Insane Optimism 2 – Movies

I’m in a quandary. I’m not sure how I’d feel about someone making a movie from my (perpetually unfinished) book.

I recently watched the movie version of Vonnegut’s, Breakfast of Champions. Big name cast. It followed the story pretty closely – a brave move. It was utter crap. I don’t think it even came out on DVD in Australia.

I also remember watching Dune (the version with Sting) . Big budget effects, good cast, completely botched screen play. A total mystery for those who hadn’t read the book and almost as bad for those who had. Total flop.
Then there’s I Robot. Big name actor, big budget. The screenplay bore no resemblance to the book. Big hit (not huge, but big).

On a recent podcast I heard a published author compare selling your movie rights to selling a car. “When it leaves the curb it’s no longer yours.”
But what if it’s a car with your name emblazoned on it, that’s being used for something evil, like transporting underprivileged children to a mime school.

Bad luck!

So perhaps it’s better to forget integrity and go for the big bucks.

With that in mind, I’m thinking Scorsese in the directors chair. The over the top, comedy bad guys could easily be vicious, Afghani terrorists, and I suppose my alternative dimension could be swapped for Las Vegas. We’ll bring Arnie out of retirement to play the scrawny, bumbling public servant. As for the dog, that could be replaced by a customised V8 Harley.

When my legion of fans complain, I’ll just blame my over priced New York agent.

Just mucking around

 Here is another follow up image from Jennifer Fallon’s blog post

A cover with Jedi and Palm trees (and a ute to butch it up a bit).

I think I’m pissed off with JK Rowling

Don’t get me wrong, I have had the “what does gay mean, dad?” chat with my sons.  And no, “some of my best friends” aren’t gay, but I worked as nurse for 15 years along side some pleasant and capable gay men & women (and some dickheads).  Let me also say, I enjoyed reading the Harry Potter series. 

What annoys me about JK’s revelation is the unsubstantiated, retrospective nature of her proclamation.  There is no evidence or suggestion of Dumbledore’s* homosexuality in the series.  (Ok, he’s an elderly, single, male teacher in a British private school, which may be cause for suspicion).  

It’s all good and well for her to take a political/moral stance, but she is taking the decision about introducing the subject of homosexuality out of the hands of millions of parents who have already, or are currently, reading the book to their kids. 

To me, it looks like a gratuitous act of politically correct grandstanding.  For f**ks sake, go wear a ribbon, make a donation, set up a foundation (she’s got the cash).   

As is my nature, let me also cynically point out that she didn’t make the announcement until after she had stuffed her duffle bag with cash from the proceeds.**  

If JRR Tolkien had said, “by the way, Sam had a bit of an unfulfilled ‘broke back’ inclination toward Frodo” I would have said “well ok, I can see that”.  I still would have been annoyed at the retrospectivity, but at least he could make a case for statement. 

Do it up front, or don’t do it at all.  Let parents know what they are getting into before they buy the bloody book. 

Actually remove the “I think” from the title, I am pissed with JK Rowling, and I not sure I’ll be buy any of her future books.  She doesn’t respect her readers and I don’t trust her.  

*Has anyone else noticed that “Dumbledore” is in the MS Word 2003 spell check dictionary, but Tolkien and Snape aren’t. 

**As an aside, this was also the case for John Newton who wrote Amazing Grace.  Despite his miraculous conversion, he kept on captaining slave ships.  His public anti-slaving stance only occurred after illness forced him to retire from the sea and out of the business.