How not to write a book – Part 1

27, November,2006

When I look at the writing resources around the internet there seems to be an over emphasis on best practice.

This suits me fine, I’m not really qualified to write about best practice, but boy do I know about worst practice.

So, here we go. How not to write a book Part 1
Start off by being pissed off with your job, this will lead to petty and vindictive thoughts. While driving home, run with these thoughts, let them evolve into plots. Don’t place boundaries on yourself, if you want to go down the Doctor Evil path, feel free. Don’t worry about speed limits and vicious lane changes, they’re all part of the creative process.

When you get home turn on your computer and start writing an email to the anally retentive, bureaucratic, petty, limp d**k, who is the cause of your current creative burst.

Note : DO NOT LOG ONTO THE INTERNET. YOU CANNOT SEND THIS EMAIL, WRITERS NEVER MAKE MONEY, YOU NEED THIS JOB.

So what do you do? Well, you have this evil plan in your head why not write it down. Yeah, and then get it published, and when it’s a best seller everyone will know what a pr**k the guy is. Yeah.

Do not start with a short story. Your first piece must be a novel.

At this point do your first bit of research. Pull a book off your shelf, count the words on the page and then count the number of pages. Put that book back and look for a skinnier one with larger font. If you’re lucky you’ll end up with a battered 1950’s SciFi novel. Ok, that’s your target, 55,000 words.

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